Still Breathing
by SlowScar
Summary: Lancelot always understood Arthur the best. A fanfiction about the moment when Arthur is praying. AxL, slash obviously. Hope you'll like it even though it's short. Constructive criticism is welcome. Rating K , it's just a kiss!


Arthur had never felt this horrible before. Before the funerals held for his lost knights he had shed no tear, at least not in public, and the pain of their death had subsided over the years leaving only a numbing feeling in his heart every time he thought of those men he held dear. But this agony he felt right now was beyond compare.

He hadn't only failed the remaining six of his knights but also the ones lying still in the ground. Not being able to bless his brave friends with the freedom they desired on the very day they were meant to be released from duty, the aching pain in Arthur's chest was almost unbearable. He sank to his knees and pressed his hand tightly together.

"O merciful God, I have such need of your mercy now. Not for myself, but for my knights, for this is truly their hour of need. Deliver them from the trials ahead, and I will repay you a thousandfold

with any sacrifice you ask of me." Arthur clenched his teeth, seeking the right words while fighting back tears of despair from being let loose. Arthur had always held his religion close to his heart, it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so when faced with trials like this that didn't make any sense. His knights had fought, for fifteen years they had served a cause that had nothing to do with them, why would his God abandon them on a day like this? While resting his head on his clenched hands that were starting to ache Arthur tried to hold on to his faith.

"And if, in your wisdom, you should determine that that sacrifice must be my life for theirs, so they may once again taste the freedom that has so long been denied to them, I will gladly make that covenant." A sad smile dressed his tired features as the thought of leaving his knights behind took form in his head, but Arthur knew, and hoped that his god would too, the depths of these words. He would die for his knight's freedom, they had served him and Rome more than enough already.

"My death will have a purpose. I ask no more than that."

"Why do you always talk to God and not to me?" The soft familiar voice of Lancelot brought Arthur back from his reflections and his head snapped up from the kneeling position that he was in. Lancelot was leaning on the wall opposite of Arthur and he had his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes poorly hid the turmoil of emotions that he was battling over inside of him yet on the surface he looked so indifferent Arthur felt the urge to shiver.

"I have my reasons for my faith." The answer was too quick and the look of hurt was easily spotted on the expressive face of his best friend. With a softer voice Arthur spoke as he rose from his current position, "But do not think I wouldn't speak to you if I could, as we both know that isn't the case."

A quick blush, which was foolishly thought to be hidden by an indiscreet cough, was Lancelot's response. Arthur wanted to smile but seeing that his friend yet had things to say and emotions to be let out he didn't do it. Lancelot moved away from the wall and stepped closer to his leader and best friend.

"This mission is insanity. We've never fought the Woads north of the wall before, let alone encountered that many Saxons. If your God is as mighty as you all believe he is why would he send us to our deaths?" Lancelot's eyes were trying to grasp the situation, to see why such a task would be forced upon them on this day, but found it to no avail.

Arthur closed his eyes as he couldn't bare look at his dearest friend in this state. His faith was what made him trust in all the hardships he's been through, for what other reason would he have to keep on going in the darkest hour? Faith. It was starting to leave a bitter taste in his mouth yet Arthur only felt worse when he was beginning to doubt. If only he for once could be shown a sign that he was doing something right, that all the deaths and suffering had made any difference, maybe his frame would stop shaking. A warm hand was placed on Arthur's cheek and he gained the courage to open his eyes again to meet the dark and friendly eyes of Lancelot.

"I may never truly understand you or the fire that keeps you going but I know you better than any man here and know you would never willingly place this mission on our shoulders. I know this make you suffer as much as us knights, I can see it in your eyes even though you try to hide it from me." Lancelot drew a shaking breath but still held Arthur's gaze firmly with his own.

"I know I will die in battle. Of that I am certain. And hopefully a battle of my choosing, but if it be this one-..."

Lancelot was swiftly silenced with a hard kiss from Arthur. His lips moved against Lancelot's soft ones and with a gentle tug at his bottom lips Arthur gained access to Lancelot's mouth. Arthur's hand meanwhile had travelled and buried itself in Lancelot's dark curly hair, gently tugging his head a bit backward, and the other hand was put on his back trying to press out the space between them.

As they parted for air Lancelot placed both hands on his king's chest and breathed in heavily. He hadn't seen that one coming. But Arthur's otherwise so caring eyes looked over his lover sternly.

"In my presence you will not speak of your death with such a nonchalant manner. I stand by my previous words and you will not fall to the ground while I'm still breathing."


End file.
